The Night before Christmas
T’was the night before Christmas and all thru the house, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse. Santa was checking his list as he was getting ready to leave the north pole on his way to deliver presents. The reindeer were ready and they knew the route since they had traveled it so many times. Ok, Rudolph, we need to head to Texas to drop off some no-doz for old Marc since he has a hard time staying awake when he’s on his hunting trip. Rudolph along with several other reindeer turned their heads with a perplexed look on their face. If they could talk they probably would have said, “which side are you on Santa”, followed by “our cousins have a hard enough time with him when he has his bow out in the field”, forget the no-doz give him a bottle of Tequila and keep him asleep.
It was then that an elf said “don’t forget Johnson, his brother-in-law, give him a bottle of tequila also”. As Santa checked his list he saw Johnson’s name on it and also saw that he wanted a new scope for his rifle. The elf said, “yeah, give him a scope,….one that doesn’t work, don’t you remember that 170 yard shot he took last month with the scope he has now”. Santa laughed and said ok, the guy gets a broken scope for Christmas.
Next stop Santa said, is Lake Charles or The Sportsmans Paradise for a short layover for some good gumbo from someone named Melvin. Let’s see here, oh look here guys, santa said, little goose will probably need a fishing pole and a Beneli 20 gauge for starters, and big Goose will need a some kitchen passes. While we’re there we can pick up Lucious Lou’s book on how to put a spark in a womans eye and drop off a Conway Twitty cd.
Next it’s on to Virginia for a stop at the Entertainer of the Years home. Lets see here whats on the list for him said Santa, he’s been good, which came a remark from an elf tending the reindeer “don’t worry, he’ll miss”. Santa said “all he wants is a hit”!!!!! what’s up with that said Santa. One of the elfs loading presents said “it would take 7 chapters to explain it Santa, just give him some band aids and he will be happy.”
Next stop said Santa is Tennessee. Again, Santa said let’s see what’s on the list. As Santa gazed at the list, his eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head as he tried to focus on something. He asked for his bifoculs, and read what Joan was requesting for Christmas. ROCKS exclaimed Santa!!!!! All she wants is rocks. About that time 5 elves came in after they had been smothered in Ben Gay. Santa looked at them as he choked from the fumes and they said don’t you remember that crazy lady from Texas picking up all them rocks. Rumor has it there ain’t any left up in the holler, so she wants some more rocks which we just loaded in your sled. Santa rolled his eyes and said “we’ll never get off the ground, to which one of the elves said just use mapquest for a new route and go by Virginia first so you can fly low with that load of rocks. Don’t forget that guy can’t shoot, so fly low.
So as Santa and his reindeer took off on their traditional December 24th journey they made each stop and after they left the load of rocks that were scattered through out the holler, (I’m running out of things to say here) Santa said , hey lets go by Jays place. So they rerouted over to Jay and Malissa’s place and everything looked dark. As Santa started down the chimney he reached the bottom and as he hung upside down peering in he could see the coast was clear. He dropped off some presents for the kids and it was about that time when the hair on the back of his neck stood up. Santa had never experienced this and as he looked around the dark room he thought he could make out someone standing alongside the Christmas tree. He shook his head and said NNNNaaawww, it’s just my imagination and started to climb back up the chimney when he heard someone ask, “care for a drink”. Santa froze in his boots and turned around and there stood Jay all decked out in camoflauge with night vision goggles on his head. To Santa it looked like an alien with gigantic bifoculs on his face. It’s ,just me Santa and Jay took off the goggles, and once again said care for a drink. Sure said Santa, got any milk. Jay said well that’s gonna be a problem Santa, we’re out of milk but you know it’s mighty cold out there and I do have some Jack and coke that will warm you up. So Jay and Santa sat at the table talking and drinking and Jay asked Santa if he would like a cigar. Jay said “I got some sweet cigars that go good with these drinks”. It was about that time that Santa pulled out his 2006 list and said “let me look at something first”. As Santa read thru his list like an auctioneer rattles off numbers, he came to it. Oh yeah, here it is, no drinking and smoking In the house is the rule said Santa. Oh. Huh.. well Santa she didn’t mean……….about that time a light upstairs comes on and Malissa’s voice could be heard saying “Jay are you down there”. Santa was off like a flash up the chimney like a cockroach running when the lights come on, (I could have said Santa was off like a deer running when you shoot at it, but sometimes they don’t run) (believe me I know a guy that has experienced it) and Jay answered uh yeah Malissa, just checking on things I thought I heard something. As Jay went back up stairs he stopped and looked back at the chimney and laughed and under his breath he said “wimp” and then went back to bed.
Santa got back to the north pole and and with a sigh of relief, he told the elfs about his journey and it was then that he noticed he lost the 2006 list and said to himself “self I guess next year we can have that Jack and a cigar since legally Jay is not on the list”.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE
It was then that an elf said “don’t forget Johnson, his brother-in-law, give him a bottle of tequila also”. As Santa checked his list he saw Johnson’s name on it and also saw that he wanted a new scope for his rifle. The elf said, “yeah, give him a scope,….one that doesn’t work, don’t you remember that 170 yard shot he took last month with the scope he has now”. Santa laughed and said ok, the guy gets a broken scope for Christmas.
Next stop Santa said, is Lake Charles or The Sportsmans Paradise for a short layover for some good gumbo from someone named Melvin. Let’s see here, oh look here guys, santa said, little goose will probably need a fishing pole and a Beneli 20 gauge for starters, and big Goose will need a some kitchen passes. While we’re there we can pick up Lucious Lou’s book on how to put a spark in a womans eye and drop off a Conway Twitty cd.
Next it’s on to Virginia for a stop at the Entertainer of the Years home. Lets see here whats on the list for him said Santa, he’s been good, which came a remark from an elf tending the reindeer “don’t worry, he’ll miss”. Santa said “all he wants is a hit”!!!!! what’s up with that said Santa. One of the elfs loading presents said “it would take 7 chapters to explain it Santa, just give him some band aids and he will be happy.”
Next stop said Santa is Tennessee. Again, Santa said let’s see what’s on the list. As Santa gazed at the list, his eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head as he tried to focus on something. He asked for his bifoculs, and read what Joan was requesting for Christmas. ROCKS exclaimed Santa!!!!! All she wants is rocks. About that time 5 elves came in after they had been smothered in Ben Gay. Santa looked at them as he choked from the fumes and they said don’t you remember that crazy lady from Texas picking up all them rocks. Rumor has it there ain’t any left up in the holler, so she wants some more rocks which we just loaded in your sled. Santa rolled his eyes and said “we’ll never get off the ground, to which one of the elves said just use mapquest for a new route and go by Virginia first so you can fly low with that load of rocks. Don’t forget that guy can’t shoot, so fly low.
So as Santa and his reindeer took off on their traditional December 24th journey they made each stop and after they left the load of rocks that were scattered through out the holler, (I’m running out of things to say here) Santa said , hey lets go by Jays place. So they rerouted over to Jay and Malissa’s place and everything looked dark. As Santa started down the chimney he reached the bottom and as he hung upside down peering in he could see the coast was clear. He dropped off some presents for the kids and it was about that time when the hair on the back of his neck stood up. Santa had never experienced this and as he looked around the dark room he thought he could make out someone standing alongside the Christmas tree. He shook his head and said NNNNaaawww, it’s just my imagination and started to climb back up the chimney when he heard someone ask, “care for a drink”. Santa froze in his boots and turned around and there stood Jay all decked out in camoflauge with night vision goggles on his head. To Santa it looked like an alien with gigantic bifoculs on his face. It’s ,just me Santa and Jay took off the goggles, and once again said care for a drink. Sure said Santa, got any milk. Jay said well that’s gonna be a problem Santa, we’re out of milk but you know it’s mighty cold out there and I do have some Jack and coke that will warm you up. So Jay and Santa sat at the table talking and drinking and Jay asked Santa if he would like a cigar. Jay said “I got some sweet cigars that go good with these drinks”. It was about that time that Santa pulled out his 2006 list and said “let me look at something first”. As Santa read thru his list like an auctioneer rattles off numbers, he came to it. Oh yeah, here it is, no drinking and smoking In the house is the rule said Santa. Oh. Huh.. well Santa she didn’t mean……….about that time a light upstairs comes on and Malissa’s voice could be heard saying “Jay are you down there”. Santa was off like a flash up the chimney like a cockroach running when the lights come on, (I could have said Santa was off like a deer running when you shoot at it, but sometimes they don’t run) (believe me I know a guy that has experienced it) and Jay answered uh yeah Malissa, just checking on things I thought I heard something. As Jay went back up stairs he stopped and looked back at the chimney and laughed and under his breath he said “wimp” and then went back to bed.
Santa got back to the north pole and and with a sigh of relief, he told the elfs about his journey and it was then that he noticed he lost the 2006 list and said to himself “self I guess next year we can have that Jack and a cigar since legally Jay is not on the list”.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE
posted by Marc G | 10:49 PM
1 Comments:
Outstanding dude. mt
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